Dear Amy Chua,
After reading your article, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior”, written for the January 8th issue of the Wall Street Journal, I must say that I’m quite offended at how you boldly state that “Chinese” mothering techniques are far more successful than the more nurturing “Western” mothering. I find your sweeping generalizations of American parenting offensive particularly because an American mother, whom I believe to have done a wonderful job of raising her children, raised me. Just because a child does not grow up to become a mechanical engineer or the president of a well-known company does not mean that they are “unsuccessful” and certainly should not entirely be blamed on the parents.
It has come to my attention, over the past few years, that the Chinese style of child rearing often creates psychologically unstable, socially maladjusted, nervous wrecks. The constant insistence (from their “Chinese” mothers) of meeting impossibly high standards with the threat of a “screaming, hair-tearing explosion” (par. 12) for the return of anything less than flawless perfection, brings impressionable children up into a “pressure cooker” of hostility and fear. (Vongs, 1).
You are quick to judge the parents who are concerned with damaging their child’s self-esteem but fail to understand why they feel that it is necessary to do so. Society has led us to believe that the road to success leads to going to college, getting a good paying job, raising a family, etc. The pressure of trying to meet all of these set standards can be quite overwhelming for anyone, hence the reason why American parents feel that it is necessary for their children to sleep over their friend’s house every once in a while or join a new sport.
Not only do these activities create an outlet from the constant stress being thrown at the kids, but they are surprisingly more beneficial to the child than you might think. Kids who actively participate in events such as sleepovers or team sports have an earlier chance at enhancing these social skills.
Growing up, I have always been a shy person growing up and sleepovers had always made me a bit uneasy. I can tell you though, that I was able to gain a new type of confidence and understanding in others after attending each one. Sleepovers can easily teach kids how to interact and co-operate with others. For example, there were many times were I didn’t even want to sleep over a friend’s house because I wasn’t getting along with that person or any other petty reason, but was not able to have my parents pick me up. Those kinds of sleepovers taught me the most, to be honest, because I was able to learn how to deal with being stuck with people I did not want to be around and remain patient until the next morning when my parents came to take me home.
“[A society that] considers outward success based on a standard of “winning” and “better than” as the only form of success, considers parents’ “face” and “pride” and “ego” as synonymous with love for their own children, believes that human beings experience contentment, satisfaction, and fulfillment the exact same way.”
To me, the Eastern teaching style may have “good intentions” but should not be forced upon anyone. What “Chinese” parents seem to have trouble most with is understanding that not everyone wants to be an engineer or business owner. So, when someone is being forced to do something they don't want to do, it is easy to get stressed and feel as if there is no way out.
Amy, I am not trying to change your mind in anyway but just trying to make you understand that there cannot be a superior parenting style because we all handle pressure differently.
Sincerely,
Jessica Burgos
Works Cited:
Jane, Chin. "Asian Students, Depression, and Suicide: Begin with the Parents!"Chinspirations.com — Jane Chin . Practical Idealist Seeker Action-hero-mom Entrepreneur. Web. 20 Mar. 2011.
Ramanujan, Krishna. "Asian Students." Cornell Chronicle Online. 19 Apr. 2006. Web. 20 Mar. 2011.
Vongs, Pueng. "Inside the Asian Pressure Cooker." IMDiversity.com Career Center, Job Bank and Multicultural Villages - Where Careers, Opportunities and Diversity Connect. 23 Aug. 2005. Web. 20 Mar. 2011.
After reading your article, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior”, written for the January 8th issue of the Wall Street Journal, I must say that I’m quite offended at how you boldly state that “Chinese” mothering techniques are far more successful than the more nurturing “Western” mothering. I find your sweeping generalizations of American parenting offensive particularly because an American mother, whom I believe to have done a wonderful job of raising her children, raised me. Just because a child does not grow up to become a mechanical engineer or the president of a well-known company does not mean that they are “unsuccessful” and certainly should not entirely be blamed on the parents.
It has come to my attention, over the past few years, that the Chinese style of child rearing often creates psychologically unstable, socially maladjusted, nervous wrecks. The constant insistence (from their “Chinese” mothers) of meeting impossibly high standards with the threat of a “screaming, hair-tearing explosion” (par. 12) for the return of anything less than flawless perfection, brings impressionable children up into a “pressure cooker” of hostility and fear. (Vongs, 1).
You are quick to judge the parents who are concerned with damaging their child’s self-esteem but fail to understand why they feel that it is necessary to do so. Society has led us to believe that the road to success leads to going to college, getting a good paying job, raising a family, etc. The pressure of trying to meet all of these set standards can be quite overwhelming for anyone, hence the reason why American parents feel that it is necessary for their children to sleep over their friend’s house every once in a while or join a new sport.
Not only do these activities create an outlet from the constant stress being thrown at the kids, but they are surprisingly more beneficial to the child than you might think. Kids who actively participate in events such as sleepovers or team sports have an earlier chance at enhancing these social skills.
Growing up, I have always been a shy person growing up and sleepovers had always made me a bit uneasy. I can tell you though, that I was able to gain a new type of confidence and understanding in others after attending each one. Sleepovers can easily teach kids how to interact and co-operate with others. For example, there were many times were I didn’t even want to sleep over a friend’s house because I wasn’t getting along with that person or any other petty reason, but was not able to have my parents pick me up. Those kinds of sleepovers taught me the most, to be honest, because I was able to learn how to deal with being stuck with people I did not want to be around and remain patient until the next morning when my parents came to take me home.
Sports have a similar type of affect on kids, especially when it comes to working with others. As a student, I’ve always been told that one of the most important thing companies look for in a worker is someone who can work in a team and can easily interact with other people. I believe that people should begin to build their social skills as early as possible in order to ready themselves for the “real world” and joining a sport or a sleepover is an easy way to do so.
Additionally, there are many downsides to not having these types of extra-circular activities in one’s life. Not only will kids not have the advantage of knowing how to interact with others but they also will not have a way to let out all of the stress being built inside if them from the pressures that come with success. This can lead to countless amounts of problems that frequently has me questioning whether this type of “success” is really worth the consequences.
Currently studying at Ithaca College, sometimes referred to as the “sister school” of the Ivy League Cornell University, I am constantly able to compare the two schools and the pressures placed upon the students’ shoulders. Within the two years that I’ve been studying here, I’ve heard endless stories of the number of Cornell students that commit suicide. A recent study I came across stated that 13 of the 21 students that committed suicide between 1996-2006 were of Asian decent. The fact that Asian students only make up 14 percent of the students population has brought up concerns to people across the globe. (Ramanujan, 1) (Vongs, 5)
Jane Chin, a Ph.D. and former student of Cornell University, was very quick to rebuke your teaching style. The daughter of two “Tiger” parents, she often doubts whether her success was really worth all of the “scars” she has been left with by her parents. I could not agree more with her as she listed the types of societies that would benefit from your teaching style. Just a few from her list that stood out are the following:“[A society that] considers outward success based on a standard of “winning” and “better than” as the only form of success, considers parents’ “face” and “pride” and “ego” as synonymous with love for their own children, believes that human beings experience contentment, satisfaction, and fulfillment the exact same way.”
To me, the Eastern teaching style may have “good intentions” but should not be forced upon anyone. What “Chinese” parents seem to have trouble most with is understanding that not everyone wants to be an engineer or business owner. So, when someone is being forced to do something they don't want to do, it is easy to get stressed and feel as if there is no way out.
Amy, I am not trying to change your mind in anyway but just trying to make you understand that there cannot be a superior parenting style because we all handle pressure differently.
Sincerely,
Jessica Burgos
Works Cited:
Jane, Chin. "Asian Students, Depression, and Suicide: Begin with the Parents!"Chinspirations.com — Jane Chin . Practical Idealist Seeker Action-hero-mom Entrepreneur. Web. 20 Mar. 2011.
Ramanujan, Krishna. "Asian Students." Cornell Chronicle Online. 19 Apr. 2006. Web. 20 Mar. 2011.
Vongs, Pueng. "Inside the Asian Pressure Cooker." IMDiversity.com Career Center, Job Bank and Multicultural Villages - Where Careers, Opportunities and Diversity Connect. 23 Aug. 2005. Web. 20 Mar. 2011.
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